


The Quiet

by themeltingsnowflakes



Series: Clearing out my folders [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Rain, not quite sure how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 11:33:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17621612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themeltingsnowflakes/pseuds/themeltingsnowflakes
Summary: Dan and Phil share many moments in the rain, each just as important as the last.





	The Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> I think I wrote this near on two years ago and it's not my current writing style... I think I was trying out something dramatic.

Dan and Phil shared a lot of things: subscribers, a gaming channel, an apartment- a home. They also shared the love of the rain. They used to jump in puddles wearing little wellingtons when they were younger, before they'd even dreamt of having what they have now; before they'd even considered meeting someone who would shape their lives the way they shaped each other's. The rain was there for Phil's first bike ride; Dan's last chapter of the first book he ever owned; time spent with friends around town, laughing and ducking into shops for shelter; for the solitude they would seek when times were getting too hard. The water would strip away any troubles, replacing it with cool droplets that made their hair stick to their foreheads and their skinny jeans cling to their legs a little bit tighter.

They cherished every moment they would spend in the rain, whether it was somewhere serene that projected the pit-a-pat of each tiny droplet through the gentle gusts of wind and the occasional splash where the water would lap at the riverbank, or, in their back garden, the smell of a fresh downpour on heated concrete filling them with a sense of nostalgia, taking them back to their childhood where they didn't have to feel the trail of soft water running down their arms to feel grounded. When they'd moved in together, grey skies and dark clouds were something of wonderment.

It'd started when Phil knocked on Dan's bedroom door.

“Dan, I'm off for a walk,” Phil had called in, only to hear Dan ask softly if he could join. That was it, the beginning of a ritual they would repeat day after day. A knock on the door, the tying of laces, the clattering of keys as they locked the apartment door behind them; their coats forgotten on the hanger.

And then they'd walk.

It was just like how they would before, but now there was another person by their side sharing the same appreciation for the weather. Their shoulders would brush and they would take quick glances at each other's sodden feet before turning their heads back at the streets ahead, not quite confident to look any higher. They'd walk the whole way without talking, both too entrapped by the natural beauty which took to the city and made everyone else scurry away, out of mind and out of sight. Windows were drenched in little droplets which would run down, colliding and dripping off the edge. They breathed in synch, their exhalations mingling in the cool air. To others, they'd appear as unfortunate pedestrians who got caught in a rainstorm, but to them, they were anything but unfortunate. They were burgeoning, absolutely flourishing, like flowers budding and blossoming, but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at them. The flowers were in their minds, the petals each a vibrant colour that was enhanced by the clear pellets.

They grew accustomed to hearing the second pair of feet tap beside them, their legs getting a little wetter if the other person stood in a puddle a bit too hard and their hands knocking every now and then. They didn't know why they insisted on throwing on some clean clothes, even if they'd spent the whole day in their pyjamas, to simply spend part of their day or night getting soaked to the skin. They started going out no matter the weather, both just wanting to walk together, enjoying each other's presence. Each day, Phil would knock on Dan's door before they would make their descent down the staircase, leaving through the door, and taking a left down the street. It became something of a routine, a regular occurrence.

They started to see the patterns; every day a girl with strawberry blonde hair would walk on the opposite side of the street, too busy on her phone to notice them. A few streets down from theirs, a golden retriever sat patiently, its tail wagging as it waited for a fuss.

And then they'd arrive home, drenched from head to toe, their shoes squelching as the walk in through the door before ripping them off and carrying them up the stairs. They'd take it in turns to go for a shower, the first one out making the coffee ready for them both to sit on the couch and indulge in an endless conversation; Phil teasing Dan for his curly hair but both knowing that it was all in good faith. They'd sit together, limbs tangled under the blanket in attempt to warm up (it works).

Or, maybe they'd get home late, peel off their wet clothes and breathe in the looming warmth of their apartment, the different whiffs of orange, vanilla, driftwood, and pine; the countless number of candles Phil would burn. They'd go for a shower, share a warm beverage, and then part ways to their own rooms, both equally as tired, their walk having worn out their minds after an opportunity to contemplate life, its meaning, and what they want out of it- or what food they needed to order online because neither of them were up for going to the store.

Dan had found himself by the window one evening, a bright white illuminating the room as a car drove past. The sound of rain was filling the living room, battling against the soft sound of music seeping from his speakers. It was near to perfect. The sight of the trees bending under the force of the wind, raindrops creating the illusion of a darker green; a small child pulled on a branch, making their own mini rainstorm. Holding a black umbrella, a woman in a long dress coat stepped cautiously around a puddle, her heel slipping off the curb slightly making her clutch onto the umbrella handle tightly, her face showing somewhat embarrassment and annoyance as a man in a blue coat walked past stifling a laugh. At that same moment, he could hear Phil's footsteps as he walked into the living room, the last of his belongings sitting in the hallway ready to be taken to the moving van.

"One more walk for old times' sake?" Phil asked quietly, disrupting the placid atmosphere.

"Sure," Dan said, clearing his throat before falling out of his trance completely. He pulled on his shoes, the fabric worn on the edges and he was certain that his feet would get wet; he couldn't bring himself to care.

And then they walked, though this time was different. Unspoken words played at the tip of their tongues, both thinking about how they'd be doing these walks alone in the future. Phil was moving out of their apartment, insisting that it was time to do so. 'Maybe we’re too dependent on each other,' Phil had said, before telling Dan that he was moving out.

Later, Dan had asked about the future of the gaming channel, regretting asking when Phil said that it was time for him to move on from YouTube.

Phil needed Dan’s support in this, so, not wanting to be the reason Phil held back from what he wanted, Dan shut his bedroom door. The darkness blanketed him as he sliped down the wood and cried: not about losing 'amazingphil', but about losing Phil, the grown man who made silly jokes and stole his cereal. The man who made him forget his age, taking him back to when he was a helpless teen. The man who was still a boy with his cheeky grin and playful ways; the man who made him forget to grow up and told him that they didn't need to act their age.

But now, at thirty years of age, Phil began to realise that maybe it was time to move on, to start a new life with a significant other, even if it meant leaving behind everything that he once cherished. He'd be sure to keep in contact with the men who he'd lived with for years, definitely not letting them lose contact, but, it was obvious- even to an optimist like Phil- that things would be different.

Ahead of them was the girl with strawberry blonde hair, her green eyes for once not on her phone. She smiled at them as she passed, her braces showing slightly. As always, the dog wagged his tail and Phil watched as Dan pet him, scratching behind his ears before continuing along the path. Phil sighed sadly, realising that these little things won't be in his life anymore, not after he moved on in his life.

It was a sudden decision after he’d turned to the side and saw Phil with clouded eyes and a rain-stained face. Dan grabbed Phil's hand and pulled him into a hug, the rain still pouring down. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, hiding his face in his neck as he shivered, the water cold on his back.

"I don't want to go, Dan," Phil mumbled against Dan's skin, his cheek squished and red against Dan’s jumper

"Then don't," Dan replied, holding on that little bit tighter.

They both stood there, the rain still falling and the cars still passing with their windscreen wipers swiping furiously. In the distance, they could hear the faint sound of sirens, a café door opening and the bustling sound of the warm indoors escaping for a few moments. No matter how long they stopped for, no matter how much they wished to stay in that moment, they knew that the world was still turning, that time was still ticking.

"I'm going to miss you," Phil mumbled, head still tucked in the crook of Dan's neck. He knew that he didn't need to say anything else. Dan understood what he meant; he was going to miss watching anime in the morning, the walks in the evening, the times they'd spend brainstorming ideas and then working on the videos, the books, the tours, the designing of merch. They'd miss hearing the other talk through the walls at a camera, not needing to explain what they were doing because they understood. They both understood that harsh comments and a demanding lifestyle came with the job title. There'd be no one to shout to from the other room, asking them to grab food or make a coffee while they were getting their own; not having to ask for the other to pour them a drink. No more shopping for two or making sure that they'd made enough food for them both to share a meal, just so they wouldn't have to eat alone. No one to just be there as the company they needed when they didn't want to be alone.

"I'm going to miss you too, Philip," Dan teased, but instead of laughing he let out shaky breath, followed by many more until he could trust himself not to cry. He hid his face in Phil's shoulder while Phil held him close, rubbing his back gently. He could feel Dan shake in his arms, the cold finally getting to him, but he couldn't do anything. It was time to move on, time to grow up. It was time to put away the camera and box away all of the equipment he'd collected over the years, even if it felt wrong to let go.

The rain had been there for many stages in their lives. The day they moved in together, their first meet and greet, the last show of the tour. It was always there, through good and bad, in the background of some of their best- and worst- moments. It was there on the day that Phil told Dan that he was moving out, the day that they cried on the side of a road in each other's arms- the day they broke the news to their viewers. It was constantly there, it's soft noise contributing to the quiet aura of each house, the walls now only holding one person. Life went on as it normally would, not affected by the two boys with lonely hearts on different sides of the city. The sun would rise and fall, the moon appearing and then leaving when daytime rolled back around. The girl with the green eyes would still walk down that path, the dog still looking out at each person who walked past.

The rain still fell, even if there were two fewer people appreciating it. Somewhere there was someone having their first kiss in the rain, someone experiencing their first heartbreak as the tiny droplets fall to the ground around them, no longer a concern as the situation at hand was far too important. Somewhere someone was giving birth and someone else losing a battle with life, each along to the pitapat of rain against a window, one of the first and last sounds they'd hear but not take in. It was in the background, not noticed by many people, but with exception to the few who used the rain to share time with each other, to ground them and give them something to breathe to the feeling of, the sounds, sights, and smells meaning more to them than you'd believe.

In two years, it'd be there when Phil stumbles into Dan for the first time in months. It'd be there almost a year later when Dan wakes up in Phil's bed, the warmth of it a feeling that he was still adjusting to. It'd be there on the day that Phil proposes, the day when Dan kisses him while they're stood at the end of the aisle in matching tuxedoes, sparkly bows matching the suits that they wore while on tour. It'd be there, witnessing these great things happen from the background, a subtle reminder of how far they’ve come. 


End file.
